Monday, May 31, 2010


Midge received her nickname just after she began to walk. She always seemed to look like a little adult to me (kind of - not really)as she waddled about and thus received the name midget. I was a single mother for the first six years of her life. She was the center of my universe, the purpose behind all that I did, the focus of most all my thoughts and the cause of all my dreams. It's hard to balance the parent child relationship when you are the single parent of one child but I tried. The relationship that we share now, seven years after adding a dad and three siblings to our family is unique.

We are close as many mothers and daughters are but we also really like one another. Midge might actually like me more and believe in me more than anyone else that I know. I think that is a pretty unique way for a thirteen year old girl to feel about her mother. She is not perfect. She fights with her siblings and isn't always as empathetic as I would like to see her be with her peers. With me though, she always sees the best. I love this about her.

For the past few years, she has made several comments about my weight just being 'baby weight'. I have come to realize that this statement validates two wishes she undoubtedly has in her sub-conscience. The first wish being that my physical enormity is not actually caused by any fault of my own. The second being that the little additions to my nest are the real cause of my weight issue. I have tried to clear this up for my sweet girl by telling her with all certainty, that my weight was caused by my own gluttony. I hope she heard me.

All of my girls have at some time acknowledged my obesity and I think that they are all impacted by it in different ways. Midge is the most empathetic. She has sadly confessed to me that she can't remember what I looked like when I was thin. I know she wishes that she could remember a more active mom.

Midge has encouraged me whenever she thought there was a glimmer of hope that I might be ready to start losing weight. She has asked to walk with me at 5:00am. She has asked me about what I need to do and really tried to understand. I honestly believe that Midge is proud that I am her mom and that she's probably not embarrassed that her mom is hugely over weight. She does definitely want me to be happy though and I think she is sad that I am unable to do things that I love like swim and run. She worries about my health and is often concerned about my feelings.

Since I have started losing some weight, Midge has become involved in the effort. She reads this blog faithfully and follows up with questions. She is always respectful and kind but I know she REALLY wants me to succeed this time. She daydreams about all that we can do when I'm back to my 'pre-pregnancy weight'. We talk about running together and water skiing. We have been even talking about doing a triathlon next summer and I know that there's a part of her that probably hopes I can kick her booty like I keep saying I will.

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