A few days ago I was home alone with Little D, our four year-old. We were snuggling on the couch enjoying our time together when she announced that she was hungry. Little D is never hungry and never finishes a meal or snack so I jumped right up to go get her a nutritious and delicious snack. When we got to the kitchen, she said she wanted Goldfish. The little crackers shaped like fish are certainly delicious but not so nutritious. I poured her a little bowl of fishies and as I got her some water, she examined them closely. Her examination led to the following conversation.
"That's a fat one. I have one FAT FISH!", she exclaimed.
"Really? Is one bigger than the rest of them?", I responded.
"Yes. There is a fat fishy but YOU'RE not fat ..... just the fish is fat."
"Hmm. I am fat but it's not really a nice thing to say to someone and it might hurt their feelings"
"I heard my friend, Sara, tell her mom that. She said that you're fat. It made me sad."
Well, break my heart. I tried to ask her who Sara was but her explanation didn't make sense so I let it go.
We were alone again in the car a few days later and I decided to ask her about her friend again. Who was this girl and where did Little D know her from. Little D recalled our original conversation quickly. She told me that Sara lives by her grandma and that she is always very nice to her. She has long hair just like her oldest sister's but blonde. She likes to share her dolls and she thinks I'm fat.
Unfortunately, the Grandma that she refers to is pretend and manifested after my mother's death. Apparently Little D is creating an entire pretend community to love her as she feels she should be loved. Has my weight become such a huge thing in her little head that she has to create pretend people to work through her emotions?
I really have no idea where Little D's thoughts originated on this one. I do think that we should probably start saving for her counseling now.