Monday, January 4, 2016

thinking is easier than doing

I keep thinking that I should be journaling this journey of mine yet somehow I can't manage to make it happen. I spend endless hours sitting at my computer but the commitment that it takes to write more than a quippy Facebook post seems to much.

I started dieting again last August about a month after my doctor decided that giving me her long term projection for my health was pointless past five years. That was a low moment. I didn't feel fat or at least not that fat. I was just tired all the time and had a lot of headaches. Oh and my knees hurt all the time and I had developed gout at the age of 45. I sweat profusely and literally had no energy to deal with everyday life. I had developed some psoriasis and boils but overall I was good. I was good except that my blood sugar wasn't under control and I had a hard time standing for long periods of time due to a horrible pain in my side when I tried undoubtedly caused by my very fat liver.

 I really didn't feel THAT fat.  I didn't think I was facing my mortality fat or maybe I did. I thought about death a lot. I was pretty sure I had cancer or heart disease or both. The pain in my side was a constant worry but I didn't go to the doctor about it, none of it. I knew that my general MD would treat the problem and send me on my way or tell me there was nothing to do for what ails me. Doctors never said, "You're killing yourself." They just prescribe something to fix the symptom of a much greater condition. This Endocrinologist was different. She let me know that 10 years from now wasn't worth discussing because if I didn't change, I wouldn't be there. She let me know that she knew it is hard but that it needed to be done and the only way to do it is to change what I eat. She wasn't mean. She was honest.

So why wait a month to get started on trying to save my life? My daughter was heading to the LL World Series and the Hubs was a coach on the team. I had volunteer responsibilities that needed my attention more than my mortality did and..........

And there is a big part of my problem. Procrastination. Putting everything else before my health. It's not really because I'm super generous with my time although it may seem that way. It's more because I was in a dark cloud of depression, overwhelmed with all that I seemed to have lost control of. Well that and that I'm lazy. So, even though I volunteer over a thousand hours a year and run programs and events and do all sorts of great things, I think I was working hard ignore all that I have lose over the years.

The World Series ended and I returned home to face the results of my last set of labs. I made the rational decision to start using the Weight Watchers Ap that I have been paying for every month for the past year and a half and sits on the home screen of my phone unused. My doctor said that if I could just lose twenty pounds, it would really improve my overall health. I was 255 pounds when I started and now four and a half months later, I am hovering around 215. My next doctor's appointment is less than a month away and quite honestly, it is probably the most important date on my calendar. I feel great. I can't wait to see if my body and mind are on the same page.
#health #weightloss #daybyday #weightwatchers

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