when you lose fifty pounds

Depending which scale I step on, I've lost either 57 pounds or 49 pounds. Either way, it's close enough to fifty pounds for me to make a few observations.

1. I'm not as skinny as I feel. Being down fifty pounds is amazing. I haven't been this size in ten years and when I was last this size, I was pregnant. I doubt anything felt amazingly small. I can see bones and feel curves that were long forgotten.
2. All of my clothes are too big.... except the ones I can't fit into yet.
3. Even my underwear is about to be replaced for the second time.
4. I can wear shoes, real shoes other than athletic shoes and Danskos.
5. I often feel like I am living for my next meal. I love my food. I plan it out, every last flipping calorie, sometimes days in advance. Get away from it. Take any of it and we will be on bad terms for an irrationally long time.
6. My youngest child has not only not noticed that I have lost weight, she has not noticed that I am trying to lose weight.
7. My middle child does not care about the risk, she steals my food.
8. My oldest daughter thinks that you are not in real sizes until you wear a size 12.
9. My other oldest daughter watches everything and comments on nothing.
10. Losing weight is really hard. It's painful. There is a constant barrage of "quick and simple" weight loss plans. The truth is that losing weight is grueling. There is no magic bullet. If there was, we would find out in ten years that it kills people. Think Fen Phen.
11. People try to minimize the agony. They say things like, "This hasn't been that hard." or "The pounds have really just fallen off." No! It sucks and that's why most people don't make it six weeks on a plan that is both effective and sustainable.
12. My entire life has become about losing weight and I'm totally okay with that. Those that are not should tread lightly or we might also be on bad terms for an irrationally long time.
13. Most people do not notice that I have lost weight. It's kind of weird and it makes me wonder if they have ever noticed anything about me.
14. Some people don't recognize me because of the weight I have lost. Actually, that has only happened once but it was way better than the people that don't notice the facet that I have dropped six sizes.
15. Some people can't imagine that I will be small when I am done with this year of torture.
16. I really like vegetables. Fortunately for me, Weight Watchers considers most veggies to be "free foods". I eat a lot of salads and stir-fry.
17. I'm secretly  happy when I see people fatter than myself. I know that's horrible but give me a little grace. There was a lot of years that just didn't happen.
18. Diet soda may be as bad for me as smoking but it is less addictive. As soon as this year of torture is over, I will stop drinking them again. In the mean time, they are zero calories and often get e through from one meal to the next.
19. Diet is more important than exercise when it comes to losing weight but moving your body is a great weight loss tool. You should move it as much as possible.
20. I've lost a whole bunch of weight but I'm not even half way done. I'm just five months into my year. I'm still obese. I still weigh over 200 pounds.
21. I spend most of my time in denial about number 20.

#weightloss #weightwatchers #yearoftorture