I never get sick...

Until I try to cut calories and then BAM! It probably takes a ton of nutrients to keep me fighting off every virus that I come in contact with but I normally do NOT get sick. I might have a couple of hours when I think I'm about to drop like a fly but I always rebound. The kids get sick and the hubs gets sick and I get annoyed. In the last month, since I have cut back, I have been sick twice! I really, really don't like being sick mainl;y because I don't have time to curl up in a ball like I want to.

I'm kind of thinking it's the evil one attacking me where I'm weak. Did I mention that when I have a cold, I just want to eat. Not only do I want to eat but I want to eat junk. I don't get sick and want healthy food to strengthen my weakened body. No, I want ice cream and cookies ....... and a pizza would be nice. I'm going on the record right now. I rebuke you evil one. Go away and let me eat my rye crisp in peace.

I guess I had better stock up on cold medication in case that didn't do the trick.

For those of you that are thinking that I should reduce my calories and eat REALLY healthy so I get all of my nutritional needs met, it has been my experience that is impossible. It might work to maintain a desired weight but to lose weight, not so much. There are a couple of websites out there that where you can track everything you ingest and at the end of the day it will tell you what rate you will lose/gain weight and analyse your nutrient intake. I used one managed by the USDA for a few months. I can't remember if I lost any weight; so if I did lose weight, it was insignificant. I do remember becoming completely obsessed about trying to get enough fiber.

The hubs is really into lack of deprivation. He seems to think that dieting should be relatively painless. He say s things like "You should never cut out an entire food group" or "I can't handle doing anything extreme". I totally disagree. I completely indulged in order to reach the weight that I am at and I am probably supposed to feel discomfort from deprivation as I try to regain a healthy weight. I am an extreme person. I always have been. I want to feel like I am taking control and making a difference. Cutting out the chocolate sauce on my late night bowl of ice cream isn't the kind of change that is going to give me a feeling of accomplishment.

Who do you think is right? Oh. I should also point out that when the hubs was young and played football in college, he did do some of his own extreme dieting. In order to lose weight after the season was over, he would eat nothing but white rice and Snickers bars. Talk about giving up food groups to an extreme. That's just wacky.

Weigh-In Wednesday

244. That's 2 pounds less than last week. Hmmm. Two pounds is a lot when you're already skinny but when you're super sized, it's like an extra glass of water. It's simply not that significant. I think my weight can fluctuate a good seven pounds with the wind.

Significant or not, I'm relieved that it was down and not up. I think that since I have been writing about it, I have more aware of what I'm consuming. I haven't been writing everything down that I put in my mouth but I have been thinking about it a little more. Maybe I'll start tracking more seriously if this trend continues. There's nothing like losing weight to motivate you to lose more weight

And it's not your thyroid......

I worked with a nutritionist a few years back.(12 to be exact)During our first meeting she looked at me and said "Your weight is not caused by your thyroid". I guess she must have been asked about it a lot. I had never considered that there was any contributing factors besides my own gluttony so I accepted her declaration as fact.

For the most part, she (the nutritionist) was great. I can't remember her name but I met with her for about three minutes a week and paid her $40.00 a visit. She would glance over what I had eaten for the week, weigh me and send me on my way. It sounds like a little for a lot but she gave me the accountability that I needed and it cost enough that I wasn't about to cheat. I lost all of the weight that I gained during my first pregnancy in about six months. That's a little more than ten pounds a month. WOO HOO!

After Bubba (6) was born, I suffered some post partum depression. At the hub's insistence I went to the doctor. As it turned out my thyroid WAS all screwed up. It hasn't been under control since. There may have been short periods of time when it was but for the most part, not so much. A lot of it's uncontrolled condition is my own fault. Having blood drawn and going to the doctor all the time is a huge burden when you have lots of kids. Little D(4)loves sitting on my lap while the backwards shot pulls the blood out of my arm but it's really not so fun for me. Bubba has plans to become a doctor someday which may have stemmed from out frequent visits. Having my blood drawn with an audience isn't even the worst part. Actually having a conversation with the doctor that won't leave my kids fearful of my mortality or thinking that I'm an idiot because I'm not taking the care that I should is a much bigger challenge. So yes, thyroid is a factor in my weight. It can be controlled simply by taking a pill but sometimes getting the pill is harder than swallowing it.

And the due date is.....

NEVER!!!! I was helping out in the Sunday school at my church this morning and yes, the dreaded assumption was made. The woman in charge of organizing the helpers was telling us where to go when some poor man asked for the last space with a chair because of his bad back.She apologized to him and said "Sorry. I have to give the chair to the pregnant lady." AHHHHHHHH!!! I pretty much could have died right there. The hunched over chairless volunteer knew I wasn't pregnant but seriously, what could he say? So, with my face bright red, I patted my belly and said 'thanks'.

I guess it's surprising that people don't say things like this everyday. I weigh at least 20 pounds more than I did on any of my delivery dates.

What's even worse is that the woman that made this grevious error actually knows the hubs much better than she knows me (which is obviously not very well). It was because of this that I had to let him know that if asked, I'm due in June.

Serious Stuff Sister

First of all, I need to make very clear that I am aware of the health risks associated with being obese. I fully realize that my risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes, infertility, depression and a plethora of other horrible things is increased because I am fat. I could never make light of that. I see my doctor with some frequency because I am terrified with every pain, strain, bump and lump. I usually feel as though my days are numbered because I am so aware of the risks of being fat.

That said, let's also establish that I didn't intend to supersize myself. I was itty bitty for much of my life. I used to run mile after mile. I loved my hours at the gym and a break in my day meant going for a walk but that changed. Babies, finances, priorities all have had an impact on my lifestyle and my weight. So here I am at 41, a wife, a stay at home mom of 3, step-mom to 1, nanny to a couple, sometimes photographer and volunteer for everything. I do love my life. I just hate being fat. Do you have something in your life that you wish wasn't there?