3/28

Maybe going cold turkey on every digestible evil wasn't the best idea. I fell asleep last night at 9:00 as the Hubs was giving me the blow by blow of his boss' psycho boss. I didn't make it to the treadmill and it's probably not looking good for today either. I was faithful to my diet today but 28 days is seemimg like a really long time. No chocolate on Valentine's Day, really?

2/28

I have a headache and I want to go to sleep. Nothing like a little dietary detox to make you just feel like crap!!!!!! I did make it through Day 1 and other than a couple of difficult moments, it wasn't too bad. I ate about 1,400 calories yesterday so I never felt hungry. They were all healthy calories. No refined sugars, preservatives, fillers, artificial colors or even meat. I don't think that there is anything wrong with meat but for these 28 days, I think I'll avoid it.

I dusted off the treadmill after dinner last night and lucky for me, The Biggest Loser was on so I watched that as I endured my twenty minutes. Nothing more motivating than watching a bunch of really fat people and realizing that they're smaller than you. The treadmill did hurt though. My knees and hips were feeling the burden of carrying me. I will never understand how the people on TBL make it through those grueling work-outs. It seems like they would just have heart attacks and die in the first ten minutes. Seriously, those workouts are hard for skinny people. How does someone who's carrying 200 extra pounds on their back do that????

I did wake up this morning feeling hungry. Fortunately, I had some left over steel cut oats in the fridge that I could heat up.

I know that I am going to feel better soon but right now I would really like a big cup of coffee with a lot of sugar and half & half in it followed by a nap or following a nap. Either order would be great!

Here We Go Again....

Well, I snuck a burger that turned into a burger & fries which turned into a burger, fries & an Oreo shake which turned into a seven month cycle of cravings, indulgence and guilt. Bummer. I would love to tell you that every last morsle of scumptious high calorie comfort was worth it but I've reached that point that I am not even enjoying my sins. Nope. Even though I am craving chocolate as I type, I get little satisfaction as I cave to the craving.

I have managed to gain back 20 of the pound that I had lost. I am once again not exercising and totally isolating myself. I am convinced for the most part that there is really no way anyone could want me around as I am. I'm not sad or mad. Don't misunderstand. I am usually pretty happy. I am simply isolated but I can be joyful in my lonliness.

I have started to think that every pain in my 245 pound body is a sign of impending death. That's probably a little on the loopy side..... or maybe not. I am off my thyroid medication (which could cause some insanity in it's self) but I don't want to go see my doctor because I don't want her to see me like this.

So, what am I going to do about my current state? I am thinking four weeks of eating clean and walking everyday. After 28 days, I'll call my doctor. Hopefully, that should be long enough to feel hopeful again and not so completely defeated. Today is the first day of February, so my goal will be to eat clean, exercise (at least 20 minutes on the treadmill) everyday, drop ten pounds and blog everyday for the duration of the month. It's only 28 days, right?